Fenrir & Preparing for Death

This thought has occurred to me on more than one occasion. Do I get cremated? Do I give into my Kemetic side and become mummified? Awhile back I had a dream. Fenrir was instructing me to walk into forest skyclad. I had assumed this was a form of initiation. But recently he has been showing me more. I will walk into the forest and be devoured by the packs in the dead of winter. I am okay with this.

“It is the last ounce of life you will feel”

He tells me. I never looked at pain in this manner. But thinking about the brink of death one would feel weak and listless and yes perhaps in pain. But it is this pain of being ripped apart that made me wonder why he would suggest this.

“You should not leave laying down. Give into your fight .”

So, I should go out fighting a pack of wolves. Sounds legit.

“But what if I do not wish to fight my death?” “None of mine go without a fight..”

Thats when I understood it wasn’t a request. It was a demand from my beloved and a final offering of pain. But even more so. My beloved taught me yet another lesson that I knew, sort of. He cemented it. Death frees your chains. But it must come with living first , fighting tooth and claw for what you believe in and your own principles. Those chains will stay on until you break them either in life or death. I remember my mother. She had Super-nuclear Palsy. If anyone has seen the movie “Serpent and the Rainbow. It has the effects of the zombie powder. They seem okay on the outside. But they breakdown inside. But my mother fought until the very end. It is okay that others think morbid. I could give a rats ass. So here I go asking Him another question.

“Will I pass on?”

“No”

“Why?”

He stares at me for a moment. Now he begins shifting forms between four-legged and two-legged. He approaches me in two-legged form the easy friction heard coming from his leather jacket. Lighting a cigarette he looks at me again with a cocky ass grin.

“You have work to do”

He hands me the cig and I take a few drags and hand it back.

“You and your fiancé mentioned Dads name when you were about 18, 19 years old. We have been with you since then. But if you want to think the lights flickered by themselves after mentioning his name was just some random fucking occurrence thats fine.”

O.O

“Yup”

He takes another drag through his toothy ass smirk laughing a little handing me the cig again. I take it slowly slack jawed.

“Sonofabitch…”

He laughs harder.

“Dude, fuck you”

He flicks the cigarette out of my hand.

“If you insist.”

The rest was well…I would rather not write that. But just before my dream faded there was Hela at the edge of my dream. I looked at her. Hand in hand with Fenrir. She nodded smiling. I nodded back. We are always at the edge of death. Death is what the humans call it.

A Fenrir Day

So more things I found out about my love (Fenrir) He LOVES the whole black cherry scent. I give him a large candle with black glitter. He appreciates offerings of ice filtered water and meat when I can get it to him. He isn’t to fond of chocolate. Nor is Sis (Hela) for that matter. He also enjoys Fig Newtons, fruit dried and regular, trail mix (no joke lol), all incenses like: cedar wood, pine, spruce, he even likes roses and carnations. Mostly he enjoys being talked to and cuddled.

Me: You really are just a big puppy aren’t you?
Fenrir: *growl stares*
Me: *giggles* Love you
Fenrir: “Bitch”
Me: *Your point?”
Fenrir: *nips my arm and nuzzles*
Me: *bats at him and continues reading*
Fenrir: *huffs into my neck peering over my shoulder*
Me: *nuzzles back still reading*

He is always there…more at work than at home. Protecting and guarding. Sometimes he will come home with me. Other times I get a kiss and He runs off into the ethers
But that is just his way.
HAIL FENRIR!!!

In General

Energy…a simple word with a power packed set of meanings. 
I awoke after one of my rare times when I KNEW I was riding the web. Buildings, roads, faded away.
There it was. Lines and vortexes everywhere.  It took me only seconds to find my set. I went to it. Sweeping my hands through dim spots making them brighter. Reconnecting broken strands to the larger whole. I do this. Every few months I get these dreams.
I woke up feeling like a million bucks 
So, if you ever have one of these dreams. Go in and fix the dim spots. 
 
I wake. I get Dad (Loki) his cinnamon, brandy coffee and light His candle. I tell Him about my dream and thank Him. Dad requests a few songs…
 
Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab
Flesh by Simon Curtis
Superhero by Simon Curtis
Stamp! By Italiobrothers. 
 
Hunni (Fenrir) just wants one 
 
Howl by Florence and The Machine
 
He even laughs while requesting it. 
 
And yes… Sis(Hela) gets a kick for
 
O’ Death by Jen Titus 
 
They ALL seem to enjoy In For The Kill by La Roux. 
 
Go figure.  I feel Sis and Hunni gearing me up for their months of projects. I feel myself exploding with excitement. 
From Mabon on I will be sparking with energy. It’s my fave time of year. Living in Arizona it means relief from the blistering heat. 
 
 
 

Sign Posts Up Ahead…You Have Just Entered The Rökkr Zone

Write, write, write. ….yes Dear

 
Fenrir asks me to keep writing. So I do. I find out little things, such as; Fenrir gets pissy at bad grammar. Just a little. 
 
“Words can bite. The grammer is the pitch of the bark before the bite” 
 
I don’t get irritated. He seems fidgety. He is pacing. Changing His form constantly. This will not be a quiet day. I reach out momentarily. He growls. I do not get upset. It is His nature. I wait calmly. 
 
“It raises my ire when they(Midgardians) view Me as wonton destruction. “
 
His pacing continues. I watch and wait. I feel Sigyn stand next to me. This is only the second time I have fully felt the Lady of Staying Power. She places her hands on my shoulders and I am shown all the times I have collected keys…I love the damn things. Especially the old fashion types. 
 
I watch my Love change then stay four-legged. He runs into the woods that appeared like a mirage up ahead. I stay behind. I know He will be back. This happens sometimes. 
 
Sigyn stays. I am shown the keys once again. Oddly. I have collected nine keys.  I am shown the nine keys and a ritual. To charge them to each of the nine realms. I am shown symbols and sets of runes for each key. So much information at once I feel like my head will explode. Sigyn slows it down for me. She slowly seems to disappear into the astral. 
 
I return. Driving around my post. Only I wasn’t in the same spot as I was before.  

What It Is Like To Be Fenrir’s Mate

Me: *Reading about Fenrir and Ragnarok*

Fenrir: *Holding me from behind with human arms*
“Ragnarok…doesn’t scare you?”
Me: “no”
Fenrir: *nuzzles into my neck* (He does that…a lot)
“Why?”
Me: “It is needed”
Fenrir: (I can feel his smile against my flesh)
“Yes, are you afraid?”
Me: “No”
Fenrir: “I will devour you as well”
Me: “I know” * I reach up to run my fingers through his unruly head jet black hair. A little bit of blood appears on my hand. There is always blood. No matter his form.*
 
To be a mate to Fenrir is to feel bound. Bound by rules, regulations, even my own body. There is a finite feeling deep down. But it is not sadness. It is a waiting, an anticipation neither good nor bad. It just “IS”. Godspousing to Fenrir is not something terrible. It is a feeling of chaotic freedom and primal truth. My Love is playful, loving, temperamental. Always the Alpha. Years ago about 10. I met Tyr. I never worshipped him but I did honor his honesty. I never understood why. Until I read of Fenrir. Then it would be so many more years later before Fenrir claimed me. No fancy wedding. No pomp and circumstance. Just a simple “Your MINE” in a dream. His love is so very vast. Almost scary. Recently I was introduced to Hati and Skoll. I was told to act as step-mother since I cannot have my own children. Now they join me. They are very curious, always nosing into my business. I smile.   
 
Ragnarok will come. Until then I will play and hunt with my family. I will tell Father Loki dirty jokes, I will dance with Mother Angrboda around the firelight, I will help Sister Hela ferry the dead to Niflheim, I will hold the bowl for Sigyn, I will weep for Narvi and Vali, I will seek out Jormandgund,  I will honor the fires that is Glut and her two daughters. Upon the end of my days I will stand as He is unbound, unfettered facing Him and be devoured to be reborn.